Nov. 5th, 2005
08:15 pm - nmmm...
Today i was happy for the most part but now im worried and i think i might cry.
I was perfect, last night Emma invited Mikhayla Katie and I over for a sleepover. Katie and I finally got some time to ourselves. We were so comfortable together, i felt as though we could read each others minds... because then she kissed me... and it felt more wonderful than when Phil kissed me in that closet, or when i finally got the urge to kiss Ian. It was so fantastic, I thought i'd be happy forever. I guess feelings are decieving.
I went and read Katie's Livejournal about 10 minuntes ago. I could not believe that that was actually how she felt. I feel so awful, so concerned. I really just want to hold her and try and help, but she insists that this is a problem she needs to work out on her own. I like her a lot. A lot a lot. I sometimes like her more than I liked Phil. I don't want her to be upset. And I hope she isn't trying to change schools. I hope she doesn't want to leave us... I just couldn't handle something like this again. I don't even want to start to imagine. I want her right now more than ever. I feel like im about to fall apart, or dissolve, or just sort of disappear in a puff of smoke and never be found again. I don't know the half of how she's feeling, and thats why I am so annoyed.
Is this working?
Oct. 22nd, 2005
07:06 pm - i feel awful
so today after i got home from emma's house after an awesome sleepover (after we decided we would do something later), Miranda convinces me to come to a movie. yea sure whatever ok.
Morgan (left after movie)
The movie was horrible, and a waste of 2 hours and 10 precious minutes of my life! it sucked! gar. So anyway, we head to micky's crib afterwards. Ok sure whatever. We get there and its all "massages" between the couples, and smoochey woochey no shirts middle school orgy. Nice. I am the only one there who has a partner. Jesse didn't, but he's about 1/4 my size. Miranda and Phil, regardless of not being "together". After about 10 minutes I fled the room. Catlin was my best friend for the evening, which was ok. Catlin is interesting and teaches me about "stuff" (teehee). Occasionally, we would peek into Mikhayla's room. "There you are!" and "Where the fuck were you?" and "were not having sex!" was noise enough to make me leave again. So I had a pretty sucky time at Micky's house, and now I feel like shit for blowing Emma and Katie off. I feel like an idiot and almost cried when i was on the phone with Katie.
I dunno. Miranda and Emma C. are really pissing me off. I mean, They're ok in small doses, but enough of "Eeeemooo!" and 'Prove it' lines from Miranda, and Emma thinking she's ugly and trying to be my friend by having these few little stupid private jokes with me that aren't even funny. not to mention, when i was there, the size difference was like 65 pounds more. Im, what 147? not one of them are over 100. I just feel so much more at home when I'm with Emma (who by the way reads me like a book and knows me so well it scares the shit out of me and thats why I love her so much) and Katie (Who I am head over heels mad for, and is the best person ever). I love them, and I love being with them. I had no fun tonight, and I don't want to hang with Miranda, Emma C, Phil, or Sam P anymore. I still love Mikhayla, and Sam K and I are really good friends now, and Jesse is just Jesse, But When Im with the others, I just don't feel good about myself. It's not fair. I should be able to hang with who I want.
Ok my rant is done.
Oct. 18th, 2005
10:33 pm - also!
werid bit of information: Ian and I got together a year ago today! creepy
so the thing i cant tell you ever has become the thing i am telling everyone because it has come alive again. katie and i are dating and i couldn't be happier. omg i'm so happy. eeek!!! bad news tho today, nic likes me and I'm going to be asked out on friday. emma c informed me that i shouldn't be mean when letting him down but the strange thing is she went on a fake "date" with him when he asked her out. wow. not mean at all.
great. miranda why do you think im a liar? anyway. gimore girls is a good show and so is house and sex and the city...
Oct. 16th, 2005
08:40 pm - entry something or other
the past few days have been werid. Katie and I had this werid fight. I guess its alright now, but im going to be hanging out by myself for a while. and this weekend was a bit better. Brittnay Soli and Miranda came over and i tried ********* for the first time. I didn't really get **** but brittnay did and soli and miranda got complete s*** faced. I was a little woozy and yea but it was fun. Today i spent all day doing homework, and to make things "even better", tonight is an episode of family guy i watched with Phil. actually to make myself more clear, in february some ppl came over and were watching it while phil and I made out on my bed. jesus i miss phil. I didn't think i did but i do. and now more than ever. I wish he would read this so he could know how i feel. jesus...
Oct. 8th, 2005
10:11 pm - yawn
its the weekend again. boredededed. Sophie is a cool cat. anyh0o.
The thing i can't tell you yet has now become the thing i can't tell you ever because its stupid and not worth t telling anyone anyway.
Ever have a day when your almost completely certain that EVERYONE is angry at you, so your angry at everyone? that was what my friday was like. I was really pissed off at miranda and Emma P (only emma for the morning, i was good from break on).
whats up with me and miranda? i love her, but she is really pissing me off and i have no idea why! and emma c came in the afternoon, and all i could think was "oh great, my whole day down the drain..." whats up with that?
I saw corpsebride with micky and catilin today. catilin has the coolest eyes ever. they are so big and scary but awesome.
i want black hair.
i want more black skirts and funny socks and tights.
i want... peace of mind...
i want i want i want
its thanksgiving tomorrow. how fucking ironic.
My horoscope is fuck scary. im fucking scared. if my horoscope is right, which it might be, i'll be back with phil by halloween.
fuck. im dead.
Zara will slaughter me if i get together with phil again.
but he doesn't like me. so why even bother hurt myself again?
history fucking repeats itself.
i think i'll listen to motion city soudtrack in my room before i go to sleep.
im not sad. im confused.
and thinking "what is it that i get so depressed about at school?"
i hate it at school when im depressed.
but now, im warm and happy.
the only issues i have right now are sophies.
her love life is shit, apparently.
apparently im emo.
miranda doesn't know what an emo is.
Oct. 2nd, 2005
12:19 pm - wow updatey is again something
haven't written in a while. I just recently found out that miranda does pay attention to our livejournals, but she just saves the information she gets for using back at us. aha...
Well we went to Zaras party yesterday. It was fun. i got kinda drunk. Everyone was a little concerned. Miranda and Emma were being a bit bitchy towards the end, and that wasn't fun. Miranda and Emma C. are kind of being disclusive in the whole humor project thing. "Oh, guess what else were going to do for the drama porject!" a few days ago i heard them discussing who they should let into their group, as if it was addmitting a new member into a club. The whole reason for that was because Lynn thinks exactly what i think. She knows who the "popular" group is. Props to Lynn. I love Miranda and Emma all the same though.
I went shopping yesterday. Emma P., Micky, Marley and Dori. Shopping with Dori is something on its own. it was hilarious and super fun at the same time. I bought a purple bra. B34!! HURAH
anyh0o... nothing much else... except... uh i can't tell... not yet anyway...
Aug. 23rd, 2005
02:05 pm - update
i've been corrected by katie. we listen to angsto, which is a mix of punk emo and scremo (im good with that). These are such bands such as My Chemical Romance and the used (i think). not to be confused with actual emo, such as older MCR. There really isnt any new emo, katie says, because its been mixed with punk and scremo. Fall Out Boy is pop punk with gothish lyrics, according to katie. But that is pretty much the defintion of emo.
there is some music i thought was emo, but i've been corrected. such as the mars volta (who is AWESOME btw), are prog rock. so, i am angsto. And so is katie.
goddamnit, music is confusing.
01:32 pm - hello world.
im here again. another day. surprisingly. lol im just kidding crazy stalking people, im not suicidal. im actually quite happy today. I was glad to hear that in fact i am allowed back at katies house. thank gouda. Katie take ur hands off Gerard mine bitch. MINE BITCH. lol jk. but katie emo doesn't suck emo is very cool the way i look at it. me? no i don't think im totally emo. I think im a punk emo mix. like pemo, or emunk. teehee i like emunk, it makes me sound religious. and it also sounds like a mixture of an elephant and a monkey. hahaha. imagine if elephants could climb trees? ok getting off topic. But in anycase.
We are moving in october. our down stairs neighbour irene is looking at the house. wosers.
katies and molly and me are going to the exibition tomorrow. today im getting some of my hair chopped off. and its gonna look cool.
i need the fall out boy cd grrrr...
Aug. 21st, 2005
01:35 pm - well im talking again
general things to add:
I am in love with the following bands:
My Chemical Romance
Fall Out Boy
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Motion City Soundtrack
The Horror Pops
Hot Hot Heat
I went to warped tour and fell in love.... with emo music.
I went to camp
A4: Alison and Eric as con. (aka Sonali and gurc)
Best Friend: Connie
Guy? personality: Sameer
Looks: ewww there all ugly...
most annoying: Alexandra
why? Star Trek, need I say more?
Con: Tex Buffy Kit and Roxy (not actual names, aka Victoria, Evelyn, Sarah and Natasha)
Best Friend: Laura *emo 4ever!*
Most annoying: Melanie
why? prep to the max...
Im going to the CNE 2moro with Katie and Molly.
note to self: as far as I know, I can't ever go back to Katies house.
Julian brought me gifts from NYC:
Cd: Abbey Road, zee beatles (good)
T-shirt: A picture of The old willy wonka and 2 oompa loopas with the word "drugs" on the front (very very good)
I love MCR with a hot firey passion the are sexi epecially Gerard Way.
Just call me Mrs. Way from now on...
Thats a good I dea for a T-shirt.....
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